I see people around me, with so much more responsibility – spouses, kids, multiple jobs, mortgage payments, hiding their receding hairlines, dealing with that one lone nose hair that refuses to give up, (it’s like – go away Hairy Larry* – no one likes you!) and I wonder to myself, “How the heck do they do it?!”
Then I’m left feeling like complete dirt about myself, more so than normal, because these functioning adults are kicking butt at adulting and doing all the adulting they can…and I’m sitting here having wine and ordering pizza for dinner…again.
I mean, not that there’s anything wrong with wine and pizza.
They’re two of my most favourite things in the whole entire world…but I mean, put a vegetable in your body once in a while, Jenn. Sheesh.
So as I stuff my face with another slice, slurping down wine in between bites – I had to wonder to myself…
Why are we all so hard on ourselves?
I think I know why I am on myself. Part of it is because of those two ***holes Depression and Anxiety. Yeah. Remember them? Those sonofaguns will make you feel so terribly about yourself and then have you believe that everyone around you is thinking and feeling the same way about you.
Oh, look – there’s Jenn again. Look at her sucking at adulting. #TypicalJJ
Well, bugger off you Negative Nancy’s*. YOU DON’T KNOW ME! You don’t know the struggle I have every day just to get out of bed, let alone brush my hair. It’s a frustrating feeling when you feel lost.
I was feeling stuck. I was feeling like just giving up. I felt like I was getting to the point where I just wanted to throw in the towel and say, “Screw it!” to everything I had been working towards for the past few years.
My closest friends could see it in me. They saw that something was “off.” I was the typical JennJenn they knew and loved – and were worried. Some told me to just relax and that I was doing fine at adulting.
…others told me that I had changes to make and priorities to set if I wanted to achieve the goals I had set myself.
Those, those were the ones who were right.
It was time I took some time for myself and put myself first. It time for me to refocus and find myself again. I knew that if I stayed here in the city over the long weekend, one of two things would have happened.
- I would have partied away the weekend waking up every morning with a taste of regret and likely vodka (and pizza, let’s be honest) in my mouth.
- I would have hibernated away in my apartment under the covers of my comfy bed and not spoken to anyone or done anything for the entirety of the weekend.
And let’s face it – neither of those were a very healthy idea for bettering myself. So what did I do?
Well -I hoped on a plane and headed down south for some sunshine, sand, smiles, and solo time in Cuba.
Rando Dando JJ Fact: this was my first rEaL vacation since 2012. I’ve been on weekend getaways and press trips for the blog…but as for a real vacation – yeah, it had been 4 years.
All that alone time though, with little to no internet connection had me circling back to that same thought about being hard on ourselves. There I was, on a little 4-day vacation (over a long weekend, at that) and yet I was still stressing out because I couldn’t connect to the internet to respond to what I could only imagine was the 1,576,324 emails coming in.
Oh, hello anxiety – there you are my old friend. And here I thought I may have left you back in Toronto. Womp.
Well, by the time day three of my trip came around – something had just shifted. I didn’t wake up stressing about the emails. They’d be there when I got home. I didn’t stress out about what was going on back home at the office. I didn’t stress out about anything, really. My biggest concern was what I was going to put in my omelette at the buffet that morning and how quickly I could hit the beach.
That’s when it hit me. I really AM way too hard on myself. We’re all way too hard on ourselves. We just need to take it a little bit easier on ourselves and we’ll get what we need to get done.
The emails will be there; the phone calls can be returned.
By taking some time for myself I was able to come home feeling refreshed and refocused and ready to take over the word.
Ok, maybe not that last one…but who knows!
*Authour’s note: Not all Larry’s are hairy, I know this…but it sounded funny, so I went with it. No offence, Larry.
**Author’s Note: Not all Nancy’s are negative, but I once met one who was the biggest Debbie Downer*** I had ever met.
***Author’s Note: Dammit, this is getting out of hand